NIGHT OF THE GUNS
“Boom!” A loud gunshot wakes me up at about 9 o clock in the evening. I go to bed very early, as the horses tend to tap dance on the stoep (veranda) for their breakfast, anywhere between 3 and 6 in the morning. I race to the kitchen window to see a spotlight shining just in front of my house. “Boom”. Another shot, insanely loud! I follow Zac back to the bedroom and sit with him on the bed to try and calm his shaking. Rosie and Faye bark while Armageddon continues over my house and eventually fades into the distance further up the valley.
We all sit on the bed in the darkness. I want to call the police, but I have no signal. No way I am walking up to le phone booth now. I wonder if there is a criminal in the area that the neighbours are pursuing in their vehicle? My heart beat slows, but I sit in the darkness for a long time soothing my dogs….or myself. I am very freaked out by this experience and message the neighbour in the morning to ask what had happened the night before? This is the message I receive in reply to mine: ‘Ek weet van niks.’ (I know nothing).
A few days later, a friend of mine comes over and we hike to the top of Glee and have a lovely picnic.
On the way down, we decide to bundu bash through the neglected pathways overgrown with scrub. As we turn towards the road, we suddenly hear a tragic bleating sound. Faye has found something in the undergrowth. My friend chases Faye away and he sees a little, lone bushbuck baby. Baby races off through the bushes, terrified. I tell my friend about the night of the guns.
I find out that it is hunting season but that it is illegal to hunt at night with a spotlight. I am so devastated at this result. An orphaned baby.
I call Cape Nature. They are very helpful, but as I can’t find Baby again, there’s nothing more they can do. They would have been willing to collect Baby and take her to a sanctuary where she would receive care until she was old enough to survive on her own. They are not fans of having people hand rear and tame buck. I agree, especially after the night of the guns. It is really so unfair. It is not like we are overrun by bushbuck or bush pig. I have seen evidence of bush pig rooting around, but I have never actually seen one. I have only seen a bushbuck ewe once. That was probably the mom.
This experience has left me wound up like a spring. It is like a huge spotlight is shining on the human race. It feels like there has never been so much finger-pointing, blame and division as there is now.
A spotlight is pointing at me too.
I knew not to park there. Something told me. But I went ahead and parked there anyway. I wasn’t 20 metres from my car when I heard the crash, and I knew when I swung around shouting, “Are you kidding me?” that it was mine.
I race over to the car to see that the dogs aren’t hurt and a polite couple leaps from their truck and present their papers to me. A shopper walking by says, “You must get everything from them. These people won’t pay.”
I take a photo of their registration and only then check my car. The only damage is to the taillight.
A little taillight. And still I am rude. The wife stands very close to me and I ask if she would please back up. Covid, lockdown, the whole she-bang has warped my manners. No excuse. No reason for my ranting and whining, ‘the workshops are still closed, how am I to get this fixed’?
My behaviour was completely unnecessary. The last time I behaved in this irrational way was last year after a harrowing Women’s Month, when we lost so many innocent women to unfathomable and brutal murders. When Uyinene was the last straw. I lashed out at someone I care very much about. As South Africans, we all talk about being desensitised. I don’t believe that. I for one am over-sensitised, if there is such a word. I lashed out because I feel like I need everyone to witness the scars of our abusers. I want to be soothed and feel understood for I don’t understand this big red bloody gaping wound that disfigures everything that is beautiful about our country and its people.
I am part of the problem. Over a taillight.
I go home feeling utterly ashamed. All I play over and over again in my mind is the way this couple had leapt to show their papers to me. To prove they were legitimate citizens. To me! I’ve been crying for some time now. I am not proud of the way I threw my entitlement around. I will never understand what it feels like to feel and be made to feel a third class citizen all your life. I cannot even begin to place myself in their shoes. I feel sick with myself.
I have messaged the husband and wife to ask them to please let the whole incident go and for their forgiveness for my unforgiveable behaviour. I don’t have much right now, but I know a taillight is not going to cost me what my actions will cost me in the long run.
A spotlight is shining on all of us. Now is the time to lead by example, with kindness, empathy, love.
I add that the name of the husband who forgives me my bad behaviour is, Emmanuelle.
APPRECIATIONS
Cape Nature, you do such amazing work. Thank you for your tireless energy and care.
Big thanks to Christo and Martiens for organizing a new taillight for Trusty Steed Eliot.
Pieter, thank you so much for installing it for me and for giving TS Eliot a much needed service.
I am so blessed to have so many amazing friends who love me despite my shortcomings.
