PRAYERS
At the time of writing, ‘Prayers’, we are eight months into lockdown. Eight months on my own with my thoughts. There is such terribly sad news coming in. A friend and mentor put it beautifully: ‘it is as if a giant portal has opened in the sky’. The invitation has been accepted recently by so many talented industry greats. I find this image comforting as I imagine these unique souls soar upwards and cross to the other side.
I am struggling to raise my spirits from the gloom in which my mental faculties reside. Solace is found in the escape to varying shores through the reading and re-reading of many, many books. I have so much appreciation for the 90 plus authors I read over this strange space in time.
One of the books I re-read during lockdown is Shakti Gawain’s, “Creative Visualisation” which was written decades ago but is still very apt and interesting. While she gives excellent examples of affirmations, they are her effective words, not mine. As I am ‘stuck’ and as I am a lover of words, I become interested in ‘open sesame’ words, prayers, mantras, like “Ditch the Fear” was for me so many months ago. Like H’oponopono. Like Jabez who found his personal prayer that blessed him indeed.
It is Faye who teaches me an important lesson about words and prayers.
I received Faye as a very nervous, highly strung puppy from a rescue organisation I won’t name. I was pretty shocked. They didn’t do a home check, they scrolled through my pics on my facebook page and contented themselves I was an animal lover. I was told Faye was vaccinated and micro-chipped, but no vet’s book accompanied her, and they were even willing to release her to friends of mine who kindly fetched her for me. Faye peed on my friends when they picked her up and she greeted me in her same signature way when I held her in my arms for the first time. Such a scared but affectionate little ugly duckling. For days I was convinced I had received Faye from a puppy mill, until the micro-chip story checked out.
Faye as a puppy
To say that we got off on a wrong foot is an understatement. Within a few weeks of my sweet girl coming home, Queen rolled Faye on the concrete, frightening her further and hurting her leg. Faye was so small and vulnerable. When I reached out to help her, she cowered from me, terrified. I am certain that is when Faye decided I was the one responsible for her oweeee. She was mistrustful of humans but very brave and friendly around other dogs. Unfortunately, still a bit stupid around horses. One day, the horses went galloping past the house and Faye couldn’t resist running after them. Her ambitions to catch or herd them were rewarded with a kick in the teeth. What a mission to try to give her the pain medication. She is an incredibly smart dog and no matter how I tried to crush the pills, disguise them, stick them in juicy sausages, she just wouldn’t trust that I wasn’t trying to kill her. I was at a loss and beginning to believe I was the wrong owner for my little girl. When Faye met M, it was love at first sight. I’m sure it was his consistently calm nature Faye felt she could always rely on. I felt very bad for her when M left in March.
Spending all this time together, Faye and I have grown close. I think her relationship with M provided a springboard for me. I have regained her trust. She is the one who sleeps next to me and shares her ticks so generously with me. I have no doubt it would be Faye who would try her very best to defend me if anyone ever tried any funny business with me.
My nervous, ugly duckling has turned into a brave, beautiful swan.
When I call to her, talk to her, or even talk about her, “Faye” will bring a tail thump, “FayeFaye” two, but ‘Faye Hartley’ is tail delirium. Through Faye, I realise it is not about the words. The words are secondary. It is the correlating, unwavering feeling that is the most important conveyer of a prayer.
‘Faye Hartley’ is my family.
Ho’oponopono:
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you
Prayer of Jabez:
“Oh that you would bless me indeed, enlarge my territory. Have a hand in my life that I may cause no pain.”
APPRECIATIONS
Thank you Kim for the loan of such varied and wonderful books. And Andi, for the 40 excellent books you lent me. Devoured in two months. After book 130, I have put myself on reading rations! But, oh, Andi, I do love your ‘library’ so….she says with longing…..
